I mean that in the plural sense of both people involved in the ceremony. But yes, it’s YOUR wedding. Not your mom’s wedding or your dad’s wedding, or your abuelita’s ceremony. To an extent, I think it’s great to take traditions, customs, and parental preferences into consideration. But I don’t think they should be the final deciding factor on whether you do, or don’t do, something in your ceremony or wedding (even if they’re footing the bill).
But even beyond familial pressures, I’ve encountered plenty of couples who just think they HAVE to do things a certain way because that’s the way tradition demands. It’s how it’s always been done.
The handing off, the readings, the vows, the sand ceremony (or other custom), the exchanging of rings.
But you know what? None of those things are LEGALLY required. The only thing that legally has to be in your ceremony is a statement that you’re getting married of your own free will. Everything else in a civil ceremony is flexible and up to the couples’ discretion.
So I typically start my initial meeting with a couple letting them know that: this is YOUR ceremony and we can do or not do whatever you want. I’ll go through the traditional format of a wedding to get a sense of what you do or don’t want, but my intention in doing that is to use it as a starting point, not a checklist. You don’t want readings? Got it. You want to do the sand ceremony before the vows? Sure. You want to bring up your dogs in the middle of the ceremony? Let’s do it! It’s YOUR wedding!
All photos by Jeff Armstrong Photography. Kelsey + Nathan (Arizona, July 2022 = H.O.T.)
The Merry Ministers 